Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression? For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our belly clings to the ground. Rise up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!

– Psalm 44 : 23 – 26



this is supposed to be a poem

but it will not be

the very thing i want to say is the thing that keeps me from saying it

there is somewhere

some remedyless bleak some ire some fire

some particular breed of nameless molasses malaise

that slogs and clogs and plugs

and sticks and icks and gets me right where i am

most sore

gumming up the works, the worth: the worst

feeling i know that somehow just feels like almost

nothing at all

there is a black and senseless night in me that

wants to simply want, that tongues the mouthsore soul, presses into the hurt and

loves it

therapy is the burning ache that

i starve

so the aching may go on.

not much of a poet, am i


Guess this is my version of a psalm. i love Jesus and i can’t wait to see God in His glory, but sometimes the plan is hard to discern. i know it is in place, i know that the victory is won, and i know that all things work together for good. But sometimes i just ache for this life, and i have to fight the urge to just live in that ache and let it embitter me.

When i started the above rubbish, i had no idea where it was going. It was just pouring. i am grateful that God does not approach His writing the same way. He will reveal the conclusion only when the time is right. Looking forward to it. Earnestly.


And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

– Romans 8 : 23

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