Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression? For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our belly clings to the ground. Rise up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!
– Psalm 44 : 23 – 26
***
secondfruits
this is supposed to be a poem
but it will not be
the very thing i want to say is the thing that keeps me from saying it
there is somewhere
some remedyless bleak some ire some fire
some particular breed of nameless molasses malaise
that slogs and clogs and plugs
and sticks and icks and gets me right where i am
most sore
gumming up the works, the worth: the worst
feeling i know that somehow just feels like almost
nothing at all
there is a black and senseless night in me that
wants to simply want, that tongues the mouthsore soul, presses into the hurt and
loves it
therapy is the burning ache that
i starve
so the aching may go on.
not much of a poet, am i
***
Guess this is my version of a psalm. i love Jesus and i can’t wait to see God in His glory, but sometimes the plan is hard to discern. i know it is in place, i know that the victory is won, and i know that all things work together for good. But sometimes i just ache for this life, and i have to fight the urge to just live in that ache and let it embitter me.
When i started the above rubbish, i had no idea where it was going. It was just pouring. i am grateful that God does not approach His writing the same way. He will reveal the conclusion only when the time is right. Looking forward to it. Earnestly.
***
And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
– Romans 8 : 23
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