i don’t think of myself as a perfectionist. i’m too off-the-cuff to worry about perfection. i do tend to think of myself as an idealist, though, and i feel that this has played itself out in an interesting way on this site. For the most part, i have no desire to ever write anything that isn’t in some way artistic. i want each post to be revelatory, insightful, incisive if necessary, droll where appropriate, poignant where pertinent. Thus i have largely steered away from writing about the day-to-day occurrences of my life, and though i certainly don’t mean to impugn the work of those who do specialize in this particular diarial brand of writing, it has never been a strength of mine. My tendency instead is to think that, frankly, no one gives a d__m about the particulars of my everyday life. i do not live a tremendously exciting or interesting life, especially lately. Don’t misinterpret this for a gripe: i am thrilled that most of the artificial excitement of the life in motion is behind me, and grateful that God has seen fit to enable me to lose the gravity with which i once held certain more adventuresome habits in orbit. Most of my life is fairly repetitious at this point, fairly mundane, fairly ordinary, and i am quite happy about it. i do not travel to unique places, i do not often meet new people, i do not seek out new music, i do not seek out new life and new civilizations. All of this is absolutely alright with me.
This lifestyle, however, has not been a kind muse of late. Not only has inspiration been somewhat nonexistent, but time for writing for pleasure has as well. So in reaction to this, partially as an exercise in disrupting this natural bent, i do want to talk about one of the latest developments in my life, because it might be an experience from which other writers could benefit.
Somehow, through a rather diligent search and no small measure of God’s generosity, i have managed to land my first professional writing contract. i do not tell you this because i want pats on the back, because believe me, the writing is hardly commendable, i am sure. i do say it so that anyone who reads this would know two things.Ffirst, if you are a person who has enjoyed this blog (and i hope you are not reading it if this isn’t the case) then know that it is not abandoned. i have every intention of keeping it alive, albeit this may be via life support for the time being. Although it is an exciting and challenging opportunity for me, my moonlighting is demanding a fair percentage of my time, so i am rather focused on it right now. i shan’t be for long distracted. It is nice for my writing to be functional, utilitarian for once, for someone to be able to use it in a marketplace transaction. But it is not where my heart is, ultimately: my heart is here, peeling off layers of sin and falsehood from my ragged soul, exposing the lies and guilt i have carried in my innards, and testifying to God’s grace through (possibly insert: “attempts at”) more artistic varieties of writing. i am hopeful that this will be a reality again soon, and already feel an unspeakable draw back toward this site. It it the way i feel upon seeing the face of someone who i think i know from years past, but can’t be sure; the way i feel when a piece of music plays that i had once played, but now do not know the stops.
The second reason i bother to tell this story is as a simple encouragement. Most of my readers are also writers, and many of you perhaps long for the day when something like this will fall into your lap. i only want to testify that it can. i do not promise, of course, that it will, but if it something that you are seeking feel free to ask any questions and i can tell you how i went about it. Again, i do not want to romanticize this. It is hardly winning a Pulitzer; it is hardly even good writing, at this point, i am sure, but it is a step toward those things; it is a step toward writing becoming more than a hobby for me. i am struggling a bit with word choice and tone here (clear evidence that my writing is, as i say, not really very skillfully done), but the larger point is, there are opportunities out there. Certainly not all of us will be able to follow our dreams professionally, and as i say, this is hardly “following my dreams” at this point. But one of the main reasons that people, and especially writers and artists, do not succeed is because they just don’t try. So more than anything, if you desire it, seek it. You may or may not find it, but at least you will not regret having made decisions out of cowardice and fear. These have been the impetus for many of my choices in life, and as most of you know, many of the choices i have made in my life have been rather poor. Thank God He has seen fit to redeem those decisions and lavish even more grace upon me.